I received a gruesome shock when I looked at the calendar and realized that next Monday is the 1 year anniversary of the last time I saw my brother alive (which means today marks 359 days since the last time I saw my brother, walking to his car to head home after coming down to Baltimore for a weekend visit that involved Tarentino movies, Papermoon Cafe, and respectable amounts of beer).
It's amazing how quickly I completely collapsed under the weight of this revelation. Or perhaps not-- my boyfriend asked me to pull his finger the other day, and I promptly collapsed into a crying fit, because not only my brother was notorious for such invitations, but because it's the first time I can recall anyone saying that to me... since the last time my brother visited.
With the first anniversary of losing my brother lurking right behind the next flip of my calendar, I'm grasping at straws and trying to avoid the complete meltdown I fear is coming. So, time to actually start doing the stuff I've talked about doing in Nick's honor. Except... I kinda hate that. Saying something is in someone's honor or memory sounds so final, and I just can't deal with that. Call it denial. I honestly don't care. But it's not in his honor, or in his memory. It's doing it for him. It's Nick's Big Adventure(s), and I'm just along for the ride.
I'm starting with "visit all 30 MLB stadiums," which is going to take several years given my financial constraints and work commitments. But that's okay-- he was doing it on the installment plan anyway. I'm going to start with the seven that he did manage to visit, and the first up is our hometown, Pittsburgh. The Pirates have a homestand the same weekend as Spring Carnival at CMU (so I was already planning to be in town), which also coincides with what should have been my brother's 30th birthday. Under normal circumstances, I would have taken Nick to the game anyway... so, April 21st at PNC Park, we celebrate Nick's 30th birthday.